You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
