So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I came so hard my ears popped.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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