Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
