If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
