He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
