I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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