how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
