if i died would you start the facebook group?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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