no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize