he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
