the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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