i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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