Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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