I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
