I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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