it wasn't lemon gatorade
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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