He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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