Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
