That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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