i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
