How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize