Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
