I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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