And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
