So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
