morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
