i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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