You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
