It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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