College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
