so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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