We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
