She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
