a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
