I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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