Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's the barista slut.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
