three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
