I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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