Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
