I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
