My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
