Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
