Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
