How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
