My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
