I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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