your parents love me but you hate me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
