I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
