I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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