my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
