I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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