theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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