hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
