I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
