Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
