even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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