no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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