I haven't been this sober since birth.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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