I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize