Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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