SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
