It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
