remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
