I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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