I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we're so committed to being not committed
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