mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
