I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
