He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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