Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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