K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
