I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
